Mother's Day is a time to reflect on the blessings of your relationship with the woman who gave you life on this earth, who nurtured that life from a tiny seed to a whole person and who denied herself to give you the greatest gift that one person can give another in this life.
One of my earliest memories of my mother is sitting at a kitchen table coloring. She always had the most beautiful penmanship and she could color perfectly in between the lines. I remember I would ask her to draw peas and carrots, and she would draw perfect little green peas and square orange carrots (like my favorite frozen veggie blend), using a tight swirling motion to create even coverage with precision. To my little mind, she was a crayon magician. I also remember bath time, and the way it felt when she reminded me to say my prayers, my skin still soft from the soap and water in my warm pajamas. I remember hearing the theme from Married With Children playing just before the door closed, when she would head down to spend mommy and daddy time after the little ones fell asleep.
I also remember her on Christmas. Mom and dad's epic shopping and wrapping made for the most exciting days of my childhood. I remember laying in bed in another house with candelabra in the window and pink footie bambi pajamas. Dad had just read us the Night Before Christmas, and I remember laying with a pounding heart, looking at the flower patterns on the ceiling, waiting for Santa. Little did I know that Mom and Dad were down there stacking presents and adjusting bows before they collapsed a few hours. In her beautiful, long nightgown the next morning, mom would sit and watch with excitement as we opened each gift. That year there may have been ice skating lessons, which meant even more work for mom, getting both me and my brother there each time. I never became a figure skater, but I still remember the excitement of opening the package with skating lessons.
Mom made sure that we had so many opportunities. I remember when we purchased my first violin at Phabe's music, and I'm sure it was a sacrifice for my parents at a few hundred dollars. I also remember when she bought me my current violin so I could study in college, a much bigger sacrifice and investment. I remember countless trips to various places so I could take a lesson, play in an orchestra, act in a play, check out library books, visit my grandmas, participate in Life Teen and see friends from our old neighborhood. When I was being bullied and teased in school, mom and dad invested in Catholic school in the hopes of giving us a better education.
I remember mom making play-dough. Those were some of the funnest days. She had a secret play-dough recipe that was much better than the stuff that came in cans. We'd spend hours at the kitchen table morphing it into dinosaurs and dolls and various shapes. I'm sure that play-dough was an unholy mess to make and clean up, but she made it anyway and spent afternoons playing with us.
Maybe her most remarkable sacrifice, the one that meant the most then and still means the most now is that mom gave up her independence and chance at a career life to make us her life. Though I know many moms need to work and choose to work, I want to thank mine for being home with me. Those long hours spent coloring or playing, picking up crab apples, going to swimming lessons, skating lessons, music lessons and God knows what else, those hours made my childhood really special. Looking back now, I envy my childhood self. Running in the sprinkler on a hot sunny day, coloring or reading on rainy ones. Having someone to hold my hand, dress my scraped knee and wipe my tears when the kids played tricks on me at birthday parties in my delicate adolescent years; I can never say thank you enough for those things.
And then came the most difficult time for all of us. My father passing away suddenly in his early forties made the world stop in its tracks. The pain and anguish suffered by mom, me, my siblings; even now, more than a decade later, the profound sadness and anger that accompanied that event is fresh in my mind. Coupled with the angst of my already challenging transition to adulthood, I am sure I was not a pleasant person to be around. Mom then began to teach me the most important life lesson, by example. Faced with a difficult path, she could have chosen to react many different ways, but the way she reacted then and now is to do what she had done all along, to put herself second, to put her needs and wants and desires second, maybe more like fifth, and to put her children ahead. She has helped each one of us above and beyond the call of duty, nurtured us, given to us, shared with us, sometimes to her detriment. If not for her, none of us would have ever had a chance to be where we are now. At this moment I am reminded of the help she gave me with my wedding, which was far and above what was comfortable or easy for her. It was a beautiful day I will never forget and without her, it never would have been possible.
She has also continued to help others. Her family, my father's family, my new family, a little boy in Guatemala through Catholic Charities, a young man at the school she works at and even a rescue dog from the church parking lot. Mom has made her home and heart open to so many who are either orphans or who have difficulties in this world. She has showed us by example how to follow the Golden rule, how to treat others as we want to be treated. She has walked the walk of love. This was never more obvious than the day I sat with her just before her mother passed away and watched her dab her mother's lips with a moist cotton ball to keep her comfortable. During the heartbreaking moments, mom's love shone through and touched my heart.
Mom may not always be perfect, but she was perfect for me. I want to be like my mother, a person people can count on, a person who is reliably good, who gives of herself to help others. I hope that I can be as good a mother to my children as my mother was to me.
I love you mom. I will never forget everything you have done for me and everything you have given me. You gave me life and you made my life a life worth living. Thank you for being you.
Love,
Julie
This is really beautiful, Julie. Your mom sounds like an amazing person. Please keep on writing because I love reading your stuff!
Posted by: Michelle | May 29, 2011 at 04:11 PM